It has taken three months to get homesick. With the approach of my sister's due date I long to be with my family. I'm going to be an aunt! It took about three months last time too, until I wanted to run home to my mother, eat brownies, and not worry about anything resembling the relative of a responsibility. It's more than homesickness, though. For the past seven years there has been a loneliness that crashes over me now and again that has nothing to do with whether I am with my family or not. On the surface it's a desire to be married, to have someone want to be with me more than anyone else, someone with whom I can feel completely comfortable and not at all awkward. Underneath that, however, it's something more. I know that when I get married that loneliness will not go away. That feeling of being alone is there to drive me to God. He is the only one who can know me perfectly, and never, ever disappoint me. I recently re-expressed some of these thoughts to a dear, dear friend, and she sent me this verse in reply, Psalm 62:5:
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him."
A couple days later I started reading The Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer. It reminded me that I need to actively pursue God, not just passively observe Him. I'm good at passive, very, very good. I have made an art out of passivity. God grant me the fire to pursue Him with just a tiny fraction of the energy with which He pursues me.
